Two experts share their advice about online behaviour and how to avoid potentially embarrassing missteps
By Marie-Josée Roy
The age of social media has to some extent sidelined traditional ways of communicating. Today, virtual family gatherings, Facebook events, and instant messaging are commonplace, for younger and older people alike.
“Both age groups use social networks primarily to connect with others; the social factor is a key part of it,” says Emmanuelle Parent, co-founder of the Centre pour l’intelligence émotionnelle en ligne (Centre for Emotional Intelligence Online) in Montreal. “What varies are the platforms and the intensity with which they are used. Older people are less passionate about social media.”
Both keen and occasional users should get to know and understand current practices in order to better navigate social media.
Keep an eye on your privacy
Even if you find technology a bit overwhelming, you still need to keep your privacy and security in mind when it comes to conversations on social networks. “It’s a good idea to go into your privacy settings and decide who can see your content,” Parent says. “You can choose to share more personal content with a small group of people close to you.”
Be polite
The same rules of etiquette that apply to in-person exchanges also apply in the virtual world: greet the person you’re messaging, use more formal language where appropriate, avoid writing in all capital letters, and use proper punctuation. “Always being polite when you respond to someone seems essential to me,” says Marina Doucerain, an assistant professor of social and cultural psychology at the Université du Québec à Montréal.
Think twice before posting
Have someone’s comments shocked you? Did someone attack one of your posts for no reason? Don’t reply right away. “Work on your self-control,” Doucerain suggests. “Sometimes a short pause is all you need to get beyond an initial emotional reaction, avoid an inflammatory comment, and move towards something more thoughtful.”
Choose your words carefully
Before hitting “send,” reread your response to check the spelling and make sure the words you’ve chosen reflect your thoughts accurately. “When you put time and effort into your message, it’s more likely to be well thought through,” Doucerain says.
Respond promptly
Responding to your messages in a timely way is part of social media etiquette, especially when you’re dealing with messages from people you’re close to. “Slow response times can create tensions,” Parent says. “It’s like phoning someone and the person never answers.”
Check your sources
Before sharing an article or reacting to a post you find shocking, check that the information is accurate and the source, credible. “Fake news can change your view of the world and even lead to more radical ways of thinking; it can really affect your morale and relationships with the people close to you,” Parent says.
Post relevant content
Each person is responsible for the content on their social media profile, which is why it’s important to choose it carefully. It’s better to share highlights rather than to inundate friends and family with uninteresting or impersonal posts. “It’s also worth-while to shape your news feed by choosing what content you want to see,” Doucerain says.
Respect image rights
Wanting to post a touching photo of your grandchildren is understandable, but you must first ask permission from those in the photo or from their parents. This is true for all images you share on social media. “Getting the person’s permission is essential,” Parent stresses. “People want to manage the impression they make on others, and that may vary depending on whether those others are friends, colleagues, or family.”
Why Things Can Get Out of Hand
Social media is a place where you can find toxic comments in which words often outpace thought. Why are people more likely to do this on social media than in person? “Words are just one part of communication,” says Université du Québec à Montréal professor Marina Doucerain. “On social media, you can’t observe the non-verbal types of information, such as facial expression, tone of voice, and posture. You’re left with a message that can be misinterpreted.”
The anonymity that social media offers is also part of the equation. “If you don’t need to consider the reputation and image you want to maintain, there are no more barriers,” Doucerain says. “It can therefore be easier to say things you’d never say in real life.” The short format of posts also removes a lot of context, which can lead to emotional one-upmanship in the hope of causing a reaction. “There’s something in the structure itself that prompts people to provoke strong emotional reactions.”
