By Caroline Fortin
While many can’t wait for retirement, others panic just thinking about it; here’s some expert advice for facing that next chapter fearlessly
What is it about the word “retirement” that generates so much anxiety for some, given that this same word is for others a synonym for new-found freedom? According to organizational psychologist Josée Blondin, the most common fears are not having enough money, not feeling useful anymore, being excluded from society, and end- ing up in a rocking chair. In addition, there’s the fear of solitude, of not being in good enough health to enjoy retirement, and of suddenly being with a spouse or partner full-time. “These fears can make retirement seem like an ending rather than a beginning,” she says.
That’s the case for Adèle Trudeau, a dermatologist who, at age 80 and in good health, isn’t ready for this next chapter. “For me, retirement means giving up a large part of my life, which is my intellectual interests,” she says. “My work is what forces me to stay up to date, to keep reading scientific articles, to attend conferences. It’s what I am, what defines me. What will I be after- wards? I have no idea: it’s like looking into an abyss.”
The Importance of Introspection
Because retirement anxiety can be vague or have several causes, it can be difficult to pin down exactly what you’re afraid of. The first step is to make a list of all your fears, say Jeannette Lalonde and Mary Morency, retirement coaches and the authors of Rethinking Retirement: A Guide for Making Choices (LLH Publishing, 2021). “By naming them, you can start to take action, to face them,” Morency says. Trudeau worries about not only the loss of intellectual stimulation but also the possibility of “spending all [her] time on Netflix if [she doesn’t] find another purpose and losing the sense of being useful.” She also feels that she has an obligation to continue her practice because there’s a severe shortage of dermatologists. “I’d feel like a soldier who leaves before the war is over.”
In the workshops they conduct, Lalonde and Morency ask participants to list the motivators linked to their work. “We help them to see which ones are most import- ant, the ones they’ll miss the most,” Morency explains. “Motivating factors include the structure that work brings, whether that’s the schedule or duties and responsibilities, as well as the socializing that comes with work, which is very important for some people. There’s the feeling of being useful, which needs to be considered in retirement planning to make sure you can somehow maintain that. There’s also income and the validation that some people get from their work. Once you have a complete list in order of importance, you can decide how to replace these items when you’re retired.”
“The secret to a successful retirement is introspection,” Blondin adds. “You need to ask yourself fundamental questions: Who am I? What are my interests and my goals? What reflects who I am? What do I need? What are my passions? What is my life’s mission? By answering these questions, you’ll be able to create a retirement that reflects who you are.”
Finally, check your mindset. Lalonde and Morency cite the work of psychologist Carol Dweck, who identifies two ways of thinking: a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. “With the first, you can take action, adapting to change by putting some effort into it,” Lalonde says. “But with the second, you believe you can’t change. It’s the difference between seeing retirement as an adventure filled with possibilities and approaching it with the idea that your best years are behind you.” The good news is that you can change your mindset.
Addressing the Specifics
If there’s one thing that everyone agrees on, it’s that you have to prepare for retirement. When you know exactly what you’re afraid of, you’ll be better able to find ways to deal with it. Here are some common concerns and solutions.
• I won’t feel useful anymore. To get past this feeling, find a way to keep contributing to not only society but also your community, your family, and the world around you. “Each person is different and can get involved in the way that suits them, whether it’s spending more quality time with their children and grandchildren or doing some volunteering,” Lalonde says. When it comes to volunteering, though, she advises giving some thought to where you want to put your energy: “Choose your cause wisely. If it doesn’t fit your interests, if it doesn’t allow you to make an impact that you feel matters, it might be less satisfying.”
Blondin suggests finding projects to undertake. “Ask yourself: Did I leave behind a dream, a passion, a skill that I wanted to develop? Can my experience benefit others by my becoming a mentor or sitting on a board of directors? Having projects is directly connected to feeling useful.”
• I could become socially isolated. “Because 60 to 80 per cent of a person’s social network is often related to work, it’s normal to lose part of it when you retire,” Lalonde says. However, you can build a new network through your hobbies or by volunteering. For example, do you want to get serious about biking? Join a cycling group.
Blondin advises trying different things and feeding your passions before retirement, which will help grow your net- work outside work. “Those that give you pleasure now will continue to do so once you’re retired,” she says.
• I’ll be bored. Once you stop the cycle of work/sleep/repeat, your routine is definitely disrupted, but nothing is stopping you from creating a new one. “You have to see retirement as an opportunity to expand your leisure activities,” Morency says. “The classic type is the golfer who plans to play six months in Florida in the winter and six months in Canada in the summer—given current life expectancy, does that mean he’ll spend 25 years playing golf? And what if a health problem gets in the way? That’s why it’s important to have more than one pastime.”
Many people view retirement as an endless vacation, Blondin points out, but who can really spend 365 days a year reading mystery novels? “It’s time to make yourself a list of everything you want to do before you die,” she says. “And share it with other people, because sometimes that can al- low other ideas or solutions to emerge. One of my clients dreamed of travelling with his partner but said they didn’t have the money. As the group was talking about it, they learned that he owned a woodlot. One participant suggested that he cut it down and use the income to travel.”
• I won’t have enough money. Two very important words: financial planner. If you haven’t consulted one yet, do so as soon as possible.
• I might get sick. Although you can’t change your genetics and heredity, you can at least take control of how you treat your body—and your mind. Blondin quotes this inspiring bit of wisdom: “Take care of your body so your soul wants to inhabit it.” It’s never too late to start (or restart) exercising or to put meditation or yoga on your calendar. “You don’t have to go to the gym every day—just keep moving,” Morency says. “And learn to recognize, name, and befriend your emotions.”
• I’m worried about being with my partner full-time. “We saw couples split up during the pandemic, but the pandemic wasn’t the cause; rather, the relationship was no longer solid. It had fizzled out,” Blondin says. “Communication is the watchword for preparing for retirement as a couple.”
“You have to define mutual expectations,” Lalonde says. “Each person must admit that their role will change, that one will prefer certain activities that the other won’t do. You don’t have to do everything together. You have to learn to accept that you have different interests.”
